so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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