How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
Randomize
