Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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