I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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