long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
He had Jail Releases phone number programed into speed dial on his phone.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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