A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
40s are totally the cure
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
