does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
My balls are so social today.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
You took a bar mat shot.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Randomize
