is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
