So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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