Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
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