my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I don't know if I should be scared or excited that I can officially drink vodka on the rocks like it's 7up.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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