Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
