So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
