real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
If you set your screensaver to be a slides show, make sure you remove dick pics first. This lesson 1 of living with your great aunt
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
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