Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Randomize