dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
Her vagina smelled like hockey gear.
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
