He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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