I can't watch pbs sober anymore
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize