started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I'm too high and old for this...
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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