I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
2:34, make a wish! I wish I wasn't on acid at Planned Parenthood. What's yours?
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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