When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
