i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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