Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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