If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
