so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
