Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize