Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i officially have more pictures of his dick than pictures of us together
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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