I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Randomize
