THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
