I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
