What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
