My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize