is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
