so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
