I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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