dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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