You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
