I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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