Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
