1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
It's official. I'm gonna fuck hot art class guy. But this won't be like hot Samsung guy. I'm gonna make sure I follow through this time.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
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