he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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