also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
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