no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
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