I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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