my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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