k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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