So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Am I required to send a Christmas card to my fuck buddy?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
