She's JV to your varsity
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
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