they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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