Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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