Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
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