i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
