She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
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