she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
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