he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
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