Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
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