I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
