I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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