Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
