Umm I'm too high to move.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
