Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
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