so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
