My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
