He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
Do vagina's smell?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
Randomize
