That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Michael Bay diarrhea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
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